2008/5/11 I can do better

Housework can never be finished. Once the floor is mopped, it will be covered with toys. After the toys on the table are cleared, paper and pencils will be found very soon. The children often test my tolerance.

Five months ago, I decided to hire a second domestic helper. Part of the reason is to release me from housework, especially on Sunday. After 4-month waiting and 2-week unhappy experience with the agent, the helper finally came. I had much expectation to my new life. Unforturnately, the helper was dismissed after 20 days. The nightmare has gone. It does no help to recall what actually happened during these 20 days.

This morning, a Sunday morning, I was busy at the housework at usual. My drm again were testing my tolerance again. I found the following on the table, which was originally a sponge ball.



I was very very angry. I thundered.

'Why do you do this?'
'Because I am naughty.'

In the past 1 to 2 years, I often heard Tyler and Faye speaking 'because I am naughty' and 'because I am bad'. I sometimes would reply them 'yes yes, you are reeeeeally bad'. This morning, I suddenly realized I had made a big mistake. 'Naughty' and 'bad' are not the reason that they did something 'wrong'. I blamed myself again and again since this 'model answer' was suggested by me! This did not help to guide the children to improve their behaviour. I read the book One minute father/mother, which emphasized that when a child had done wrong, it was only the 'behaviour' was bad, but not the child. We should say, 'You are a good boy, but what you have done is bad.'

'Are you trying out something with this sponge ball?'
'I pretend it is an orange.'
'Good idea. It really looks like an orange.'
'I pretend to tear the orange in pieces.'
'You are very innovative, but the sponge ball cannot recover anymore.'

This ending is much better. Tin told me before - 你每次發怒就在磨平卓君. I lost my temper easily, especially when something did not go as what I expect. I felt very guilty and sorry for the wrong message I gave the children in the past.

I cried for a week after that Sunday, for being such a bad mother. I have to change. Although no one help me or support me, I will try my best. They are my children. They are coming to earth to help me know more about myself.

'Are you going to be like that?'
'Are you going to shout again?'
'That is not a big deal!'

Tyler, thank you very much for being so brave. Your words help me change!